I've always been the type that worries about everything; from the trivialities of the daily routine to (actual) serious issues which do need a bit of worrying about. I've been more of a worrier than a warrior but I've slowly been converting myself to the latter. I tend to overanalyse to the point of exhaustion; I tend to look at the details and not the big picture. I worry about the future, I even worry about the present. What's in the past has been left in the past. I guess I am a little bit overconscientious?
I’m also a bit of an emotional type. I wasn’t always this way and I’m not quite sure when it started, but I guess I can be a little bit too sensitive. Sometimes, depending on my mood, I kind of absorb other people’s moods, mostly those of the people I care about. If you’re a bird, I’m a bird. Sometimes I get attached to people and things, but I’m learning to let go. Of course, I do like my independence from time to time. Sometimes I’m a bit of a moving contradiction but I’ve been trying to find balance.
I tend to be guarded with people I don’t know well, but I’m learning to be more open. I’m learning to always be authentic, even if that means being vulnerable. Easier said than done but I always crave true connections with people and those can only be achieved through vulnerability. I’ve learnt that the people who are meant to stay in your life will do so no matter what… That being said, I’ve also learnt to distance myself from the toxic people in my life.
Sometimes I judge myself too harshly, but it's only because I do have an idea of the kind of person I would like to be. I’m too in tune with my emotions; I’m quite the indecisive type in general, but I (usually) know what makes me happy and what makes me sad, I know how I feel and what it is I need. I know when I’m in the wrong, simply because I feel it, but I don’t always have the strength to do what is right. I’m trying to fix that too.
A few years back I felt quite scared and insecure about the future; I felt that I had to have everything figured out and I felt lost. But now, I’ve learnt to trust the process. I’ve been trying to make the most of everything I do and the most of the people in my life. I’ve learnt that new experiences only come out of breached comfort zones and that this is the only way to keep going forward. The truth is that, no matter what or how I am, I do believe in myself and I know that I’ll be alright in the end. I have an idea of the kind of person I would like to be and I have an idea of what I would like to do with my life and that’s good enough for now. No one ever has anything fully figured out and that's absolutely fine. Life is sweet :)
She finally reached a place of knowing she’d be okay, and that is the biggest part of the battle, believing that you are meant for the good more than the bad.